Dear Professor Shelly,

Dear Professor Shelly,
The paper that you will receive from me tonight will be pure and utter crap. I can tell you this much already because it is due at 6pm and it is now 3:25. You are correct in your probable assumption that it is not yet started.
This illustrates not only laziness and exhaustion, but also complete stupidity on my part. You see, I need to pull my Social Studies GPA up 3 three tenths of a point this semester in order for me to student teach in September, and generally get my life out of the crapper. This will not happen unless I receive an A in your class. Even now, as I type this, the time ticks away, and I am no closer to beginning the paper than the moment before. I keep telling myself that I can complete four pages in a little over two hours, so there is no need to worry. If this were the case, why didn't I take two hours last night to complete them? At the time, sleep seemed much more important.
You may wonder what possesses me to make such stupid decisions, and how else I spent my time. I can tell you that I have no reasons or reward to show for my disgraceful procrastination.
In all of your years of teaching, I'm sure this paper will be the jewel in the Crap Crown of Academics.
Congratulations on being the recipient.
Later,
Sorry Student

Dear Chris Sligh,

Dear Chris Sligh,
If I decide to use my anytime minutes to cast useless votes for a time wasting television program, they will be for you.
You are welcome,
Couch Potato

Things to Do...

If you are me, you should do this stuff soon:
1)Take 75 million blankets on your floor to the laundrymat
2)Get Geary to sign elegibility form
3)Contact Sanjian about 339 grade? Repeat?
4)Make appt, ask Carolyn if I can wait till end of semester to calculate G.P.A.
5)if not, cry
6)write "expericence" paper for Spitzberg, TONIGHT!!!
7)make a point to never sit next to poopy smelling guy in computer lab ever again
8)make sure poopy guy is gone before typing about him
9)Iron for practicum Wed.
10)call Mr.P about day off for Flogging Molly
11)look recipies: what goes with cajun salmon that is not mashed potatoes or green bean cassarole?
12)Do READING JOURNALS! DUE NEXT THURSDAY!
13)Begin Units. I mean, seriously start them. No. Or you are going to want to kill yourself in about three weeks.
14) catch up on your stupid bills, your fiscally irresponsable waste of space!

I'm a slacker

Dear Readers,
I have been slacking. I realize this. I do have a good excuse, however. I'm trying to graduate so that I can have a big girl job, at which time I will come home and write letters to life all day long.
Love,
Angela

Here are recent fruits of my non-blogging labor:

Test: 002 English
Status: Pass
Total Score: 283
Minimum Passing Score: 220



Test: 084 Social Studies
Status: Pass
Total Score: 263
Minimum Passing Score: 220

R.I.P J.T. York

Dear Multiculturalism,

Dear Multiculturalism,
In response to your inquiry regarding your hold on my school, I have included the following photos documenting the fact that you are very much alive. All were taken on Jan 16th, 2006 in various campus locals.
Peace Out,
White Girl

Dear Survey Nuts,

Dear Survey Nuts,
Here is another.
Yours,
Cinnamon Birch

A standard juvenile uncreative survey. I'm lazy and it was funny(ish).
My Alter Ego (stolen from Andie)
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current street name)
~Cinnamon Birch
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav icecream flavour, favorite cookie)
~Lemon Samoa
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
~Adar
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
~Blue Turtle
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
~Marie Southfield
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
~Daranwin
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink put "The")
~The Orange Lemonade
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
~Bill Floyd
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne)
~Be Delicious
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name )
~Marie Odell
Wow. Those sort of worked.

William J. Gwin

In celebration of my Grandpaw's life, here are things he got a kick out of:

1)Leadin' tha singin' at church. What a Friend We Have in Jesus was his favorite.
2)Telling stories. (About growing up in southern Illinois, the navy, and General Motors)
3)Arguing with and teasing his sister Flo via long distance phone call.
4)His grandkids, neices, and nephews.
5)When his pastor would tell a joke on Sunday. (And we would, in turn, hear it each and every day until the next time he told a joke on Sunday.)
6)Monte Carlos
7)Werther's Originals (which he always had in his front pocket.)
8)Assorted crap from mail order catalogs.
9)Oprah. I forgave him of this only in death.
10)Life!

P.S. 2007, you are SLACKING.

Dear John Mayer,

Dear John Mayer,
Please get your head out of your butt.
Signed,
83er

A Conversation

Scene: Joe and Angela at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Backdrop: Large televisions broadcast John Keating interviewing Brett Hull about Steve Yzerman's career and the future of the Red Wings.

~A Conversation~

Angela: "I don't understand how there can be such a large audience for watching two people TALK."
Joe: "It is two interesting people talking about something that you are very interested in."
Angela: *shrugs*
Joe: "It's like Walt Whitman and Kurt Vonnegut talking about weddings."
Angela: "Oh. Gotcha."

Dear 2007,

Dear 2007,

You have shown tremendous potential by starting off on the right foot. So please, go easy on me.

Thanks,

Worry Wart

Dear Walt Whitman,

Dear Walt Whitman,
You have recently given me a good dose of encouragement and perspective. Though we do not have a lot in common (I am female, straight, alive, and generally unappreciative), I feel that you related to me in a way today that allowed me to accept what I have secretly known all along: Nothing new is happening to me. Though I am in some ways unique, all of my worries, fears and discoveries are old hat. I'm not alone, I'm going to get through it, people understand and its going to be okay.
Thank you,
Myself

Trippers and askers surround me,
People I meet, the effect upon me of my early life or the ward and city I live in, or the nation,
The latest dates, discoveries, inventions, societies, authors old and new,
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or lack of money, or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news, the fitful events,
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.
~excerpt from Song of Myself, W.Whitman, 1881

"In God, I find the true myself." ~Peta

Dear Funk,

Dear Funk,
Funk, I wanted to offer a word of encouragement during this time of darkness. I understand that you were dealt a low blow. It may seem like you are at the end of your rope, alone in a sea of digitally sampled techno grooves and hip three minute ditties. I remember, your two best friends, R&B and Soul left you years ago for their new girlfriends Pop and Easy Listening. And now this. The death of the Godfather.
Funk, you will get through this. You will not die. You will get over this hump, and thrive in the years to come each time someone finds an LP copy of Gettin Down To It in a basement crate or spins Purple Rain on a bar Jukebox. Sure, you will show up in the chorus of a Chamillionare single and the kids won't recognise you. But its okay, because for every time that happens, someone will hear Funky Drummer for the first time, or dig out their old Parliament cassette from a box at their parent's house.
This time of year, concentrate on the gains instead of the losses, drink some Nog, and slap on Santa Clause Go Straight To the Ghetto.
Say It Loud,
A Woman or A Girl

Dear Juliane,

Dear Juliane,
I see that you have been drawn over to the darkside. I assume your letter to me says as much...it may even apologise, or attempt to justify. I wouldn't know, however, since I can't read the letter addressed to me, since you have your blog entries restricted. LAME!
Love,
Your Sister

Pressure

A selection from PostSecret 12/3/06:

Thank about this:

Do you ever feel pressure to make a statement (about ANYTHING)? What is the statement? How do you make it? What, in this process, do you not really want to do? How does this change who you are? Do you think your statement is made? What is the importance of making it? Is it worth it? Why?

inventions, and such

DollFinn: Remember you took that QBasic class w/ me in 9th grade?
hippieange: I did take the q basic class. With Roni Travis
hippieange: We did a semester of GW too, I think
DollFinn: You remember that project we did w/ the framed screen saver slideshow picture frame thing?
hippieange: yep! The tech invention assignment.
DollFinn: we had to come up with some invention. Right.
DollFinn: they have those now!
hippieange: SHUT UP
DollFinn: I mean they've had them awhile actually, but I saw some yesterday at Brookstone. I was like SHEESH!
hippieange: That’s funny. Especially because its sort of lame.
hippieange: I wonder what they would be called, I want to find one online
DollFinn: I forget what they're called. They're basically picture frames, just hi-tech
hippieange: exactly.
hippieange: They will market anything, apparently. I hope we got an A, by the way.
hippieange: We probably didn't
DollFinn: Here they are.
hippieange: AAAHHHHH!!!! That’s like, EXACTLY it, its just like we described it in the description section.
hippieange: simply excellent. I hope it makes no money.
DollFinn: I know, it's so funny. I wish I still had the project just because.
hippieange: Remember we made it out of crinkly silver left over wrapping paper?
hippieange: and we made the pictures like a circle so we could pull it through?
hippieange: If I remember correctly
DollFinn: Yeah. I just saw them and was like no way! So I told Adam the whole story
hippieange: The residuals would have been nice for tuition
DollFinn: yep.

Dear Dearborn Police Officer With the Pointy Head,

Dear Dearborn Police Officer With the Pointy Head,

Hello, and good evening to you. I would like to extend my sympathies to you for getting stuck with a pretty crappy shift. I know that working on Saturday nights is always a drag, even if you are making time and a half. I understand the seriousness of your job, and appreciate the fact that you chose the demanding career of protection .
Though I have not gone through extensive training as you have, I feel I have a valid time saving tip to offer you, and would like to submit it now if I may. If you happen to see me on the road again, you needn't follow me anymore. I don't drink and drive. Ever.
I understand your need to be cautious with each car that pulls out of questionable locations, but your fishing is in vain when I drive past. Please see sales receipt enclosed below, with my portion of the bill highlighted.

Further, following me for several miles down Monroe street was not only pointless, but unnecessary. I would have been much happier to pull over and fork over my mug shot card and registration than nervously try to "drive normal," whatever that means. I already have a very slight case of nervousness driving in the dark, due to my less than stellar vision.

To answer your unasked questions, no, I didn't really want a slurpee, and yes, I was trying to avoid you when I pulled into 7-11. I gather you figured that out, but was it really necessary to follow me into 7-11, and then watch me pour my slurpee, all while acting like you were buying a candy bar? You are an officer of the law, I'm sure you could have checked me out and saved the 98 cents.
I'm glad you realized that only a sober person could hold a huge purse, two Slurpees, a bag of Cheez-its and a SlimJim, all while wearing heels.

Keep it Real,
Designated Driver

Me

Dear Music Fans,

Dear Music Fans,
When was the last time you listened to If 6 was 9?
I suggest you rectify the situation immediately.
Thank you for your time.