Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,
Thanks for lugging me around abdominally for 270 days. I can't imagine that being a barrel of laughs.
Love,
Old Lady

Dear Friends,

Dear Friends,
Thank you for coming to my (surprise!) birthday get together. I really was surprised (as Joe articulated), and absolutely appreciate you taking the time from your (crazy!) schedules to come celebrate with me.
I'm really sorry I was late. In my defence, I didn't know I was late for anything. I'm also sorry that I was somewhat out of sorts, causing me to tell an elaborate story twice within ten minutes. In my defence, it was (almost!) my birthday.
Thanks for making my day great,
Ange

P.S. Happy Birthday, Rick!

Dear Professor S,

Dear Professor S,
I can't understand anything you say. Your assigned readings seem inconsequential. Please don't fail me.
Academically Yours,
An English Speaking Student

Dear Petting Farm Visitors,

Dear Petting Farm Visitors,
The following questions will make you sound stupid, no matter what:

1. What's that? (While pointing at the cow)
2. What's that? (While pointing at the sheep)
3. What's that? (While pointing at the rabbits)

Good Luck,
Farm Attendant

Dear United States Postal Service,

Dear United States Postal Service,

Recently, I mailed a rather fat envelope. For good measure, I affixed two stamps to the upper right hand corner to assure its delivery to my desired location. I underestimated the aforementioned fatness, apparently, as said envelope was returned to me today, with a large stamp alerting me "postage due."
This educational trip to the mailbox made me realize two very important things, and they are as follows.

1. The USPS deserves some serious royalties.
2. I'm never buying a stamp again!!

Your policy of returning parcels with insufficient postage, while considerate, is asking for trouble. From now on, I'm going to send my letters, sans postage, with the desired address both front and center on the envelope AND in the return address corner.

SUCKERS!
Signed,
The Mail Maniac