Dear Oprah Winfrey,

Dear Oprah Winfrey,
For so long, I have made a mental list of things I want to discuss with you. They generally revolve around the fact that you are lame, have a zealot viewing audience, and are ruining my relationship with my grandparents due to their zealotness ("what do you mean, you don't agree with Oprah?"). The gravest of all of your hideous t.v. spots, however, are those that you devote to your book club. If you have time, Ms. Winfrey, I would like to elaborate.
I read a lot. I am a reader. I am such a reader that I could think of nothing else that would suit me to study in college than English. I enjoy great books. I enjoy talking about great books, supporting the authors of great books, and spreading the word about great books. For these reasons, it may be hard for you to understand the resentment I have toward you and your "club" of great books.

You realize your unprecedented influence, I'm sure. The Pope has to die for Catholics to pay attention to him, but say the word, Oprah, and your fleet of homemakers, retires, nightshift workers, and other daytime T.V. watchers will mobilize into a money spending fleet of mindless consumers. You use this to team up with Amazon.com to make a special sales section devoted to "your" choices. This is not part of the literary spirit, Oprah. If you actually cared about literature, authors, or readers, you would understand this. Please note, this commentary is not about book sales in general (obviously books cost money, and authors make it) but rather your shameless marketing, and exploitment of non-bookworms.

How DARE you present classic works like A Light In August, Night, and The Bluest Eye as if you discovered them?

Signed,
A Reader

P.S. Make sure to comment on the fact that you are introducing these great works to people who would never otherwise read them, and that I am a book snob. I'm ready.