Dear Childhood,

Dear Childhood,
I have been missing you more in the last five weeks than I have in the past five years. I'm not sure what I miss about you. It is not specific things that I miss, necessarily, it is more of a feeling. Or maybe it's the absence of certain negative feelings that I miss. It's all very confusing, but what I'm sure about is that you are giving me a headache and a small pain right under my right shoulder blade. Don't worry, Childhood, this is not all your fault. I have done my share of googleing, and have learned that a physical pain caused by mental anguish is generally classified as a mental problem. So, the headache and shoulder pain are not really your fault, but you are an easy scapegoat.
But I digress, Childhood. This letter is about you, after all, and not my grandmother's list of aches and pains. You are not going to get away easily.

Childhood, I'll get right to it. I understand if you cannot comeback right away. However, I have demands. This is a very serious matter, and I trust that you will regard it as such. The following is a list of items what I want back from you. As you may remember, you took them from me when you left. You have until Spring to return the following. A late fee will be charged if the deadline is not met, so please allow sufficient time if shipping standard ground.

Please return the following:
1) 8 hours of continual, uninterrupted sleep
2) My brother as my friend
3) Sleepovers with my best friend
4) eating popsicles on the porch
5) walking around barefoot sans weird looks
6) mimeograph pages for homework
7) my papa (this list is not in order of importance, after all)
8) being skinny
9) sleeping in my Mom's bed (with her in it)
10) riding on my Dad's shoulders

In accordance with this agreement, I will be returning the following items. Please check quantities to ensure that you have received all returned items.

1) Bills (4)
2) Boobs (2)
3) Diploma (1.5)
4) Job (2)
5) Under Eye Circles (2)

It has been a pleasure doing business with you.
Thanks again,
An Adult