Dear Walt Whitman,

Dear Walt Whitman,
You have recently given me a good dose of encouragement and perspective. Though we do not have a lot in common (I am female, straight, alive, and generally unappreciative), I feel that you related to me in a way today that allowed me to accept what I have secretly known all along: Nothing new is happening to me. Though I am in some ways unique, all of my worries, fears and discoveries are old hat. I'm not alone, I'm going to get through it, people understand and its going to be okay.
Thank you,
Myself

Trippers and askers surround me,
People I meet, the effect upon me of my early life or the ward and city I live in, or the nation,
The latest dates, discoveries, inventions, societies, authors old and new,
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or lack of money, or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news, the fitful events,
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.
~excerpt from Song of Myself, W.Whitman, 1881

"In God, I find the true myself." ~Peta

Dear Funk,

Dear Funk,
Funk, I wanted to offer a word of encouragement during this time of darkness. I understand that you were dealt a low blow. It may seem like you are at the end of your rope, alone in a sea of digitally sampled techno grooves and hip three minute ditties. I remember, your two best friends, R&B and Soul left you years ago for their new girlfriends Pop and Easy Listening. And now this. The death of the Godfather.
Funk, you will get through this. You will not die. You will get over this hump, and thrive in the years to come each time someone finds an LP copy of Gettin Down To It in a basement crate or spins Purple Rain on a bar Jukebox. Sure, you will show up in the chorus of a Chamillionare single and the kids won't recognise you. But its okay, because for every time that happens, someone will hear Funky Drummer for the first time, or dig out their old Parliament cassette from a box at their parent's house.
This time of year, concentrate on the gains instead of the losses, drink some Nog, and slap on Santa Clause Go Straight To the Ghetto.
Say It Loud,
A Woman or A Girl

Dear Juliane,

Dear Juliane,
I see that you have been drawn over to the darkside. I assume your letter to me says as much...it may even apologise, or attempt to justify. I wouldn't know, however, since I can't read the letter addressed to me, since you have your blog entries restricted. LAME!
Love,
Your Sister

Pressure

A selection from PostSecret 12/3/06:

Thank about this:

Do you ever feel pressure to make a statement (about ANYTHING)? What is the statement? How do you make it? What, in this process, do you not really want to do? How does this change who you are? Do you think your statement is made? What is the importance of making it? Is it worth it? Why?

inventions, and such

DollFinn: Remember you took that QBasic class w/ me in 9th grade?
hippieange: I did take the q basic class. With Roni Travis
hippieange: We did a semester of GW too, I think
DollFinn: You remember that project we did w/ the framed screen saver slideshow picture frame thing?
hippieange: yep! The tech invention assignment.
DollFinn: we had to come up with some invention. Right.
DollFinn: they have those now!
hippieange: SHUT UP
DollFinn: I mean they've had them awhile actually, but I saw some yesterday at Brookstone. I was like SHEESH!
hippieange: That’s funny. Especially because its sort of lame.
hippieange: I wonder what they would be called, I want to find one online
DollFinn: I forget what they're called. They're basically picture frames, just hi-tech
hippieange: exactly.
hippieange: They will market anything, apparently. I hope we got an A, by the way.
hippieange: We probably didn't
DollFinn: Here they are.
hippieange: AAAHHHHH!!!! That’s like, EXACTLY it, its just like we described it in the description section.
hippieange: simply excellent. I hope it makes no money.
DollFinn: I know, it's so funny. I wish I still had the project just because.
hippieange: Remember we made it out of crinkly silver left over wrapping paper?
hippieange: and we made the pictures like a circle so we could pull it through?
hippieange: If I remember correctly
DollFinn: Yeah. I just saw them and was like no way! So I told Adam the whole story
hippieange: The residuals would have been nice for tuition
DollFinn: yep.

Dear Dearborn Police Officer With the Pointy Head,

Dear Dearborn Police Officer With the Pointy Head,

Hello, and good evening to you. I would like to extend my sympathies to you for getting stuck with a pretty crappy shift. I know that working on Saturday nights is always a drag, even if you are making time and a half. I understand the seriousness of your job, and appreciate the fact that you chose the demanding career of protection .
Though I have not gone through extensive training as you have, I feel I have a valid time saving tip to offer you, and would like to submit it now if I may. If you happen to see me on the road again, you needn't follow me anymore. I don't drink and drive. Ever.
I understand your need to be cautious with each car that pulls out of questionable locations, but your fishing is in vain when I drive past. Please see sales receipt enclosed below, with my portion of the bill highlighted.

Further, following me for several miles down Monroe street was not only pointless, but unnecessary. I would have been much happier to pull over and fork over my mug shot card and registration than nervously try to "drive normal," whatever that means. I already have a very slight case of nervousness driving in the dark, due to my less than stellar vision.

To answer your unasked questions, no, I didn't really want a slurpee, and yes, I was trying to avoid you when I pulled into 7-11. I gather you figured that out, but was it really necessary to follow me into 7-11, and then watch me pour my slurpee, all while acting like you were buying a candy bar? You are an officer of the law, I'm sure you could have checked me out and saved the 98 cents.
I'm glad you realized that only a sober person could hold a huge purse, two Slurpees, a bag of Cheez-its and a SlimJim, all while wearing heels.

Keep it Real,
Designated Driver

Me

Dear Music Fans,

Dear Music Fans,
When was the last time you listened to If 6 was 9?
I suggest you rectify the situation immediately.
Thank you for your time.

Dawson's Creek

Pacey: "Well, I hope you enjoy Rochester."
Miss Jacobs: "I hope you enjoy high school."

Books!

This is an old post, but I just got tagged by V to fill it out again, so I redated it. It is also a way better feeling this time around, since last time no one really tagged me. Another reason to re-post is that I don't think anyone that I tagged (except A Good Story) completed the tag. Ta-daa:

1. One book that changed your life: Maniac McGee, by Jerry Spinelli.
It is a YA fiction about a homeless teenager and a racially divided city. It made me think about and challange ideas that I held for no reason. ~Like, Wait a second..why can't white and black people get married again? Hold on, you mean, not all parents are good people? Are you telling me that sometimes people who used to be rich an famous can end up with nothing to eat? There are people who have nothing to eat?! ~ It also taught me how to LOVE reading and showed me what a book should be like.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger
I have probably read it about 40 times. A close second is The Giver, Lois Lowery.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I think the only way I would ever have time to figure out Joyce is if I were on a desert island.

4. One book that made you laugh:
High Fidelity, Nick Hornby. The movie is funny, but the book is hystarical. And moving, and insightful.

5. One book that made you cry:
A tie.
All Quiet on the Western Front, Erich Remarque. Lord of the Flies, William Golding.

6. One book you wish had been written:
Instructions on How to be Kind in All Situations - A Church Mom Handbook for Closet Wenches by Della Darty

7. One book you wish had never been written:
Any book of hate. Mein Kampf, and the like. I wish they had not been written, but I think that since they were, it is right that they were published and that we still have copies. Now they can be used as learning tools.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Praise Habbit, David Crowder. related quote "On the way to Red Robin I had David Crowder on and I was making up a song about my new Bible being red and sitting on my seat. I think I was finding God in my car."~Kristin

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power Is Destroying the Church, Gregory Boyd. I have purchased it and have decided it is a topic I want to explore. Now I have to find time.

10.One book you will eventually read again:
Custom of the Country, Edith Wharton. It is such an involved story line that spans almost an entire lifetime. Yet, it is a quick read in relationship to how long it is. Its just...great.

11. Tag 5 others: AndieAnn, Lindsay, Juliane (on facebook if you have to), Stefanie, and Kristin

Dear Mrs. Karhough,

Dear Mrs. Karhough,
You were a very memorable kindergarten teacher. Though not exactly Froebel in your teaching methods, a lot of little things we did in class stay with me as big memories. It occurred to me today that I may remember things incorrectly because of my five year old perception at the time I attended your classroom.
For example, skeletons tend to freak me out.(No, I'm not in a profession that requires I be in close proximity to skeletons. I'm just referring to models at school or in the chiropractor's office.) Not because they were once a person, I'm okay with that, and surprisingly, skulls are just fine with me. Its when they are on a whole skeleton that tend to make me crazy. Its because I'm always secretly waiting for them to walk or dance!
I remember vividly where this comes from. In your class on Halloween, we all dressed in our costumes and paraded around the school. Then, after all of the mommies and daddies went home, we sat in the circle to read a Halloween book, and then we got snacks. Because it was Halloween, you explained, we were going to have a special treat during snack, a cute Halloween cartoon that you loved when you were a kid!
For the next five minutes, I hardly breathed, because I was too scared. These horrible skeletons were dancing and dancing and dancing. This is all I remembered, until today. Sometimes in classrooms, during the years that followed, I would say a quick thank you to God or circumstance that I was not in said class by myself, since there was a skeleton model in it. What a horrible image in my head!
Today, I realized that I'm still afraid of the image, but I don't remember it! I thought rationally that if I could view the cartoon again, I could reclaim it, and properly store it where it belongs in my mental file cabinet: in "kindergarten cartoons," instead of "horror movies never to be seen again." My fear, however was that it was an obscure movie clip that could never be found again, especially with my limited knowledge and memory of it. It was black and white, and featured dancing skeletons.
THAT PROVED TO BE ALL I NEEDED! As it turns out, the short is actually called The Skeleton Dance, and is a 1929 Disney clip.
So I watched it. I re-filed. I'm okay now. The trauma is over.
But I'm not going to Lie, Mrs. Karhough, I had to watch it with the lights on.

Boo,
Big Kindergartener

.

arrogant: >adj. having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities

For the Most Part, Christians are Embarrassing

Dear Blogger Beta: A Retraction

Dear Blogger Beta:
Please accept these words as an apology, and consider retracting your libel lawsuit.
I misunderstood your ways, and wrongly assumed that you were hindering me from editing HTML as I wished. I felt that this was cramping my style, especially in my sidebar, which i regard with high esteem. Now, Beta, I realize that I needed to look outside of my narrow "edit template" focus, and realize that all along, you allowed my free spirit to add a "script page element." YAY!
We see eye to eye now, beta. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Later,
Enlightened Blogger

P.S. Hey, why don't you make it so that I don't have to type my whole email address in to log on? You might want to do something about this before I retract my retraction.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Site users are not content to sit back and let platforming changes roll past them. Just ask Mark Zuckerberg.

To Blogger Beta:

To Blogger Beta:
You are ruining my life!
To Be Continued.

a conversation

Scene: Joe and Angela in Ranger.

Backdrop: Eureka Road and Telegraph area.

~A Conversation~

Joe: *silence*

Angela: *silence*

Joe: "So. What are we going to do about your public speaking?"

Angela: *silence*

Joe:"What?"

Angela:"What?"

Joe:"Hello?"

Angela:"I guess, when I'm in public, only ask me about tennis, crocheting, and camping."

Joe: ~mute chuckle.~*inaudible*~snort~

Angela: *silence*

The OAD, and such

We have recently been schooled on the joys of the OED. I, too, sing its praises daily. I happen to have a bad back, so my volume is electronic. True, it doesn't smell like a basement, and it doesn't provide the same satisfactory "thwack, thwack, thwack," page flipping sound as its bound counterpart, but it the spell checker and calculator function help me get over it.
Mine is actually an Oxford American Dictionary. Though the war wages on as to whether the OAD is as comprehensive or academically relevant as the OED, I find that every word I have cross checked is present in each.
Proof: "bloody" is found as "a vulgar slang" (with origins noted the same,) in both editions, except mine mentions that it is "chiefly British." That's helpful anyway, because I wouldn't want to go around saying chiefly British expressions, for fear that I could be misidentified as such.
This has a point, I promise.
Because I have a "history" function, I thought I would share the last five words I looked up.
1. pasha
2. Pict
3. Nahuatl
4. debauchery (for origin purposes)
5. Navarino, Battle of
There is also a phrase search, which has only been used once in earnest, for looking up "hell for leather." The remainder of these searches is chiefly made up of Joe and I wondering just what kind of phrases it offers to define. ex: "up a creek."

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,
First things first: can I call you P? I think that it would do wonders for you image if you didn't mind things like that.
I wanted to write and let you know that not only do I admire your argumentative skills, but also wish to commend you on sticking to your guns, and only acting like you want to apologise.
This seems like the only rational thing to do, and wanted to let you know, just in case you maybe having second thoughts, that the technique you are employing ALWAYS works for me. Sure, you may be the leader of a world wide faith community, and I may be a B- student from Michigan, but I think we have a lot of the same things going: a big mouth, a volatile public, and reasons not to lie.
So you said some things about Muslims. Wait, you didn't even say them. You quoted a really old dead guy who said something about Muslims in the 14th century. People are mad that you said it, and are demanding an apology. That's okay, P, don't sweat it. Just keep doing what you're doing. What you did was great. You said that you were sorry that they were upset, but didn't mention anything about being sorry that you said it. And that's because you are not. We know this.
This is a technique I often find helpful myself. Here is a bit of example dialog from a day at work that I feel will help you relate my situation to yours:
Lisa: did you do the membership filing?
Me:yes
Lisa: I really wish you wouldn't have, because now I have to go back through all of them to make cards
Me: I'm sorry you don't like making cards.
So, P: You didn't accidentally let an archaic quote slip out during a sermon. You weighed your words, did your homework, and let them have it. Now don't back down!
Sincerely (for real!),
An Apology Faker

Note: Here is something to wrap your mind around. People were so outraged by a comic about Muhammad (in a Danish newspaper that felt their country being threatend by Islamic extremists) that they rioted for days, displaying what the Pope may call "evil and inhuman," because of what they viewed as disrespect for their leader. Once they feel threatend by The Pope, however, they have no problem burning him in effigy.
I know that having an "us," "them" attitude about world events is not productive, or even healthy. Saying simply "they" is a non specific stereotype. And to this, I plea "I'm sorry" in true Pope style.

Dear Jonathan,

Dear Jonathan,
Everyone was so happy when you were born! Your five sisters were so happy to have a little brother, and all of us in the family were buzzing about how your mom finally had a boy! When your family came up to see us the next month, I felt very lucky that I was the only one of the kids that got to hold you, because I was 10, which was a very big deal. You were so small and your fingers were so long! I was scared that I may drop you, but you just looked at me and grinned your Jonathan grin.
When I visited your grandma last fall, I saw from school pictures that you were growing to be a very handsome young man. Now, you have been reduced to a headline.
Two weeks ago, at your sisters wedding, I am told you were charming and polite, as usual. I'm sorry that I was not there. As I look at the invitation now, the air fare doesn't seem to be as unattainable as it had seemed to be a month ago.
I miss you already, Jonathon. We all do. I don't know why you decided to follow the crowd. You knew better than this!
My heart hurts for your Mom and Dad. For your sisters. For you. I know that I should feel consoled that you trusted Jesus, but right now I'm too busy missing you. Good Bye, Jonathan.

You Will Be Missed,
LOVE,
Your Cousin

Note to potential commentors: the word "sorry" is not allowed to appear in any context, language, or order. Thank you.