Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,
First things first: can I call you P? I think that it would do wonders for you image if you didn't mind things like that.
I wanted to write and let you know that not only do I admire your argumentative skills, but also wish to commend you on sticking to your guns, and only acting like you want to apologise.
This seems like the only rational thing to do, and wanted to let you know, just in case you maybe having second thoughts, that the technique you are employing ALWAYS works for me. Sure, you may be the leader of a world wide faith community, and I may be a B- student from Michigan, but I think we have a lot of the same things going: a big mouth, a volatile public, and reasons not to lie.
So you said some things about Muslims. Wait, you didn't even say them. You quoted a really old dead guy who said something about Muslims in the 14th century. People are mad that you said it, and are demanding an apology. That's okay, P, don't sweat it. Just keep doing what you're doing. What you did was great. You said that you were sorry that they were upset, but didn't mention anything about being sorry that you said it. And that's because you are not. We know this.
This is a technique I often find helpful myself. Here is a bit of example dialog from a day at work that I feel will help you relate my situation to yours:
Lisa: did you do the membership filing?
Me:yes
Lisa: I really wish you wouldn't have, because now I have to go back through all of them to make cards
Me: I'm sorry you don't like making cards.
So, P: You didn't accidentally let an archaic quote slip out during a sermon. You weighed your words, did your homework, and let them have it. Now don't back down!
Sincerely (for real!),
An Apology Faker

Note: Here is something to wrap your mind around. People were so outraged by a comic about Muhammad (in a Danish newspaper that felt their country being threatend by Islamic extremists) that they rioted for days, displaying what the Pope may call "evil and inhuman," because of what they viewed as disrespect for their leader. Once they feel threatend by The Pope, however, they have no problem burning him in effigy.
I know that having an "us," "them" attitude about world events is not productive, or even healthy. Saying simply "they" is a non specific stereotype. And to this, I plea "I'm sorry" in true Pope style.